Here’s the thing.
I’m not a politician. I’m not in charge of anyone, and this is a good thing. I can barely manage my morning Starbucks order. What I am good at is managing the flow of information, and separating the wheat from the chaff.
I’m also really, really good at attracting the sort of person who wants to manipulate the flow of information for their own ends.
As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, Brazil recently made a failed play to become a voting member of the United Nations. There was some controversy about how Brazil may or may not have been using the humanitarian crisis in Chile as a bargaining chip, offering to send relief aid in exchange for a seat at the grown-ups table. Brazil, of course, denies it.
I was recently approached by an officer of the Brazilian government – I won’t name them here, as it would be pointless, as their name changed fairly often so I could never be entirely sure who I was speaking with. At this point, if you know, you know, and if you don’t, don’t worry about it. They wanted me to run a smear piece against Japan – a nation already slightly in my cross-hairs due to the recent appearance of mysterious military hardware bearing their apparent markings in Saudi Arabia. (Though, to be fair, the markings were not perfectly consistent and, as stated earlier, could very well be an attempt to discredit Japan.) To further this goal, they sent me a snippet of a voice log from a UN meeting:
When question, both their foreign minister and their president explained that Japan pressured them to vote no: “it was the Japanese! they put us up to it!” said their foreign minister and their president said “It was indeed the Japanese…Our new alliance partners requested that we veto any vote to admit Brazil to the security council.“
I’ve done more with less. Something smelled – funny about this one, though, so I decided to push a little harder. Mamma Brownhour always did tell me that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, though, so I decided a friendly approach was what was needed. What I wanted was to get a more complete recording than I usually get – I wanted a recording with all the bruises and warts, all the little missteps and oopsies the person leaking the recordings to me usually leaves off to save face. I wasn’t going to get that with threats.
I expected to get something a little embarrassing. I didn’t expect to get clear evidence of a hamfisted attempt to control the media.
The very first line of the recording the Brazilian official sent me contained the very information they were asking me to disprove.
Brazilian Foreign Secretary Enzo Araujo: Brazil will agree with the conditions proposed, those being that at each turn we lend 1 RP* to the WFP, on one condition: We want our country to become a full member of the UN.
* To ease discussion and eliminate the confusion of currency exchange, finance discussions at the UN are spoken of in terms of ‘resources provided’. This keeps diplomats and foreign secretaries from having to Google current exchange rates to figure out if they’re getting a good deal or not.
The Brazilian official had contacted me to claim that although they very much wanted to be a member of the UN with full voting privileges, there was never any intent on their part to make their aid conditional upon those privileges being extended to them. We were misunderstood, they claimed, we meant only to strongly suggest it. We were set up, they claimed, Japan bullied France into changing their vote. We are innocent, they claimed.
Pity that in the process of pleading their innocence, they provided me with the very proof of their guilt.
Feeling that there must be more to this story, I played the role of the friendly mercenary. A hired keyboard.
Here are some snippets of the conversations we had. I will make the entire transcript available if it is needed, but you have my word that it is edited only for length and relevance, there is nothing left out that is meaningful.
[metanote: what was trimmed was 99% OOC discussion about real-world politics and swapping youtube links.]
Phase One: Flirtation
(Brazilian official): [Gives me a tip on a piece of news I’ve already reported on]
Me: O H O
(Brazilian official): you’re welcome.
Me: i think i love you
Phase Two: Seduction
(Brazilian official): i love you too
(Brazilian official): let’s make an alliance
(Brazilian official): I have a particular group of people
(Brazilian official): that i work with
(Brazilian official): and i like you to work with us
(Brazilian official): what do you think?
Phase Three: Coquettishness
(Me): Iiiiii can’t do that. As much as I’d like to, I can’t promise preferential treatment to any nation or group of nations without compromising my goals. What I CAN offer you is 24 hours advance notice of any news story I’m going to publish that might paint Brazil in a bad light.
(Brazilian official): I’m not talking about prefential treatment.
(Brazilian official): It’s very simple, really.
(Brazilian official): You tell me tips that would interest me, regarding my country or not.
(Brazilian official): I’m telling you in advance that we are going to announce an UK-US-BR alliance named BRUKUS.
(Brazilian official): anything regarding us or our enemies, you tell me.
Bolded bit – By this point in the conversation, I knew I was going to end up revealing Brazil’s attempt at information manipulation, and I did not for an instant intend to make good on this offer. It’s worth noting, however, that i simply said I COULD offer it, not that I WAS offering it. I don’t often resort to wordplay and devil’s bargains, but when in Rome…
Phase Four: Seduction Laid Bare
(Brazilian official): please update me as soon as you do your thing
(Brazilian official): or at least when you close to
(Me): Will do. I’m having a bit of trouble spinning the first line of the log you linked
(Brazilian official): because i need to make popcorn
(Me): “Brazilian Foreign Secretary Enzo Araujo: Brazil will agree with the conditions proposed, those being that at each turn we lend 1 RP to the WFP, on one condition: We want our country to become a full member of the UN.”
(Me): condition is… pretty damning.
(Brazilian official): what do you mean?
(Me): I mean I think I know what you were actually getting at – a request, a strong suggestion, not a REQUIREMENT per se
(Brazilian official): yeah
(Me): but it looks… not great.
(Brazilian official): precisely
(Brazilian official): well, that’s what happens when english is not your first language
(Me): Hm.
(Brazilian official): see where i’m getting at?
Phase Five: Counter-Seduction
(Me): Lemme do a little digging, I bet I can gin up something about how portuguese and spanish are juuuust different enough that the translator had some trouble.
(Me): Maybe if you were to suggest an alternative translation for what you MEANT to say, it might make my job a little easier.
(Brazilian official): bravo.
(Brazilian official): see, condição, wich is the portuguese for condition is VERY less abrasive and imperialistic than it’s english counterpart.
(Brazilian official): which*
(Brazilian official): is that what you mean?
(Me): I think I can work with that.
(Brazilian official): Sure.
(Brazilian official): Let me know if it’s not enough.
Here’s a copy of the full transcript as it was provided to me by the Brazilian official. http://pastebin.com/Yhm6Cqqb
You’ll notice that not only was the condition of membership – or a membership vote – NOT merely a suggestion, but it was repeated several times. Brazil made it adamantly clear that it would offer this aid, but only on condition of it getting what it wanted out of the deal.
The message to take from this is clear. Brazil sees the people of Chile only as grist for its own mill, and the news media only as a devil to be dealt with when it’s convenient to do so.
Let this be a lesson to you, Brazil. Never make a deal with the Devil, because the Devil always wins.