LIVEBLOG: United Nations meeting

T:00 Members file in

T:04 Media is alerted that they are permitted to enter the chambers

T:05 UN Secretary General begins the next item on the agenda: The US and Brazil will jointly pay for Chilean relief efforts, in exchange for a vote to be called at another time as to whether Brazil shall become a permanent member of the UN

T:07 US Secretary of State reveals that the President of the United States has been gagged and believes he is currently attending the final concert of the Grateful Dead

T:08 US Secretary of State reveals that this ruse has failed with unknown, but likely catastrophic fallout

T:09 Chinese Chief Science Advisor assents to the agreement, but with a comment:

Glorious china recognizes the UN’s current opinions on this matter and also votes yes on this matter, however it would like to add that Brazil’s current tactics to strong arm itself into a UN seat are reprehensible and hopes that other, valid members of the UN consider this going forward

T:09 UN-SG announces that the resolution has passed

T:10 American Secretary of State comments:

The, erm, Freedom Eagle Country of America would like to sum up its position on this matter and is firm in its resolve to restabilize the nation of Chile through the works of the United Nations High Commission for Refugees.

T:11 UN-SG calls a vote for Brazil to become a permanent member of the UN, with unanimous vote needed to pass

T:11 China: NO UK: YES France: NO

T:12 Russia: NO

T:13 US: YES

T:13 Motion fails

T:14 UN-SG calls for new business

T:14 US inquires as to the dangers of ISIS or other stateless armies

T:14 US states that the mother of the President of France is a malodorous threat

T:15 Russia suggests condemnation of any stateless armies that may or may not exist, just in case

T:16 China agrees that stateless armies should be condemned in case they exist

T:16 The US suggests that the mother of the President of France should also be condemned in the strongest possible terms, Russia suggests a fact-finding mission to determine… something.  They weren’t clear as to what, and this reporter isn’t sure they knew when they said it.

T:17 UN-SG calls for any new business.

T:17 RUSSIA, FRANCE, JAPAN: No new business.

T:17 US offers to sell France some marijuana.

T:17 UN-SG adjourns meeting.

T:18 China announces no new business, apparently having missed the meeting’s adjournment, and in fact, everything after the Brazil vote.  This is a reminder that China is one of the most populous nations on Earth, and the person in this meeting is apparently in charge of 1.35 billion people.

T:19 UN-SG departs.

T:20 Russian PM issues a statement:

I LIKE TO DRINK MYSELF TO NEAR DEATH AND FINGER THE NUKE BUTTON